Three years ago. Alone. 2 AM. Not over a person. Not over failure.

I had just closed a deal in Russian, then French, then Arabic — back to back calls — and won every single one. Walked to the bathroom. Looked in the mirror.

And I felt nothing.

No pride. No relief. No happiness.

That silence scared me more than any enemy ever could. Because I realized: I built myself so strong that I can no longer feel my own victories. I am a machine that only registers losses. Wins are just… expected.

I am not sharing this for pity. Pity is for the weak. I am sharing this because true narcissism isn't loving yourself. It is realizing you are the only person in your own movie — and the movie has no soundtrack anymore.

I walked out of that bathroom. Made tea. Made three more calls at 3 AM. Won again. Still felt nothing.

That is my reality. You cannot hurt me. But I also cannot celebrate me. Fair trade? I think so.